So you don't like my blog title

Ok little sister - lol

So I've Gotta Gunt and Know How to Use It was not doing anything for my womanly roar - lol.
Well - the only thing that is roaring right now is my thighs as they are squished into too small jeans!

This fat thing absolutely has to stop!! My old scar from having my tailbone removed is now stretched to maximum stretchiness. Scars don`t stretch though - didja know that? Yup, it hurts. I have a bum owie.

And what the freak is up with my keyboard anyway ? I have to use the character map to type a question mark, otherwise I get this ÉÉÉÉÉ - what the heck is thatÉ ... oops ? I think my keyboard thinks it`s French or something but all of my settings in the computer are trying to tell it otherwise.

Off of work and going to do housework and such back some fibre - yum

so I must be under a LOT of stress!

• My sister sent this to me ....
  Most people admit that when they're under stress, healthy eating habits can be difficult to maintain. Whether eating to fill an emotional need or grabbing fast food simply because there's no time to prepare something healthy, a stressed-out lifestyle is rarely a healthy one. But weight gain when under stress may also be at least partly due to the body's system of hormonal checks and balances, which can actually promote weight gain when you're stressed out, according to some researchers.
  Cortisol is a critical hormone with many actions in the body. Normally, cortisol is secreted by the adrenal glands in a pattern called a diurnal variation, meaning that levels of cortisol in the bloodstream vary depending upon the time of day (normally, cortisol levels are highest in the early morning and lowest around midnight). Cortisol is important for the maintenance of blood pressure as well as the provision of energy for the body. Cortisol stimulates fat and carbohydrate metabolism for fast energy, and stimulates insulin release and maintenance of blood sugar levels. The end result of these actions can be an increase in appetite.
  
  Cortisol has been termed the "stress hormone" because excess cortisol is secreted during times of physical or psychological stress, and the normal pattern of cortisol secretion (with levels highest in the early morning and lowest at night) can be altered. This disruption of cortisol secretion may not only promote weight gain, but it can also affect where you put on the weight. Some studies have shown that stress and elevated cortisol tend to cause fat deposition in the abdominal area rather than in the hips. This fat deposition has been referred to as "toxic fat" since abdominal fat deposition is strongly correlated with the development of cardiovascular disease including heart attacks and strokes.
  
  Stress is certainly not the only reason having for abnormal levels of cortisol. A number of diseases and conditions can result in abnormal levels of cortisol in the bloodstream. Cushing's Syndrome is a term used by doctors to describe a condition in which various medical problems result in very high levels of cortisol, leading to changes in the body's appearance and function.
  
  Weight gain or loss is dependent on a number of factors including resting metabolic rate, food intake, amount of exercise, and even the types of food consumed and the times of day food is consumed. Genetic factors also likely influence our metabolism and may explain some people's tendency to gain or lose weight more rapidly than others.
  
  Whether or not a particular individual's stress levels will result in high cortisol levels and weight gain is not readily predictable. The amount of cortisol secreted in response to stress can vary among individuals, with some persons being innately more "reactive" to stressful events. Studies of women who tended to react to stress with high levels of cortisol secretion have shown that these women also tended to eat more when under stress than women who secreted less cortisol. Another study demonstrated that women who stored their excess fat in the abdominal area had higher cortisol levels and reported more lifestyle stress than women who stored fat primarily in the hips.

Foods good for the liver - google search

If it meshes with SB, this is a list I googled:
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garlic & onions - broccoli, burssel sprouts, califlower, cabage - lemon - beets - prunes, raisons, blueberries, balckberries, strawberries, raspberries, plums, oranges, pink grapefruit, cantaloupe, apples, pears, apples -
artichoke - dandelion, chicory, endive, rocket

Cruciferous vegetablesThese are broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower etc. They are powerful antioxidants besides they contain some chemicals which can neutralize aflatoxins present in certain sea-foods, peanuts and a specific group of fungus (Aspergillus sp.) Broccoli and cauliflower also contain Glucosinolates, which helps the liver to produce enzymes required in detoxification process.

Garlic
Garlic contains Allicin. It is a sulfur-based compound essentially helps the active detoxification process by the liver. Garlic also contains most of the vitamins and minerals. It helps the liver to rinse out heavy metals like mercury and lead (present in some food additives), excess of the female hormone – estrogen and surplus nitrogen from our body. Heavy metal can cause much damage in the liver; even they can trigger the possibilities of liver cancer. Thus garlic is a food, good for liver.

Apples
Apple contains Pectin which acts as a chelating agent in the colon to bind and excrete heavy metals right from the lumen of the intestines. This in turn reduces the toxic load in the liver.

Beets
Beet is rich in beta-carotene, flavonoids and other healthy carotenoid compounds. These can reduce the damage caused by the free radicals and help the liver to maintain its normal function.

Brown rice
It contains the trace element Selenium which is a powerful liver antioxidant. Selenium works as a cofactor in reducing antioxidant enzymes and some varieties of Thioredoxin reductase. These two aspects of selenium make it special as a liver protective food.

Bitter vegetables
Any kind of bitter vegetables (bitter gourd, chicory, dandelion etc.) promote production and flow of bile in the liver.

Grapefruits
Grapefruits are rich in antioxidants and they help in natural detoxification of liver.

Onions
Onions are rich source of Glutathione. This is an amino acid that constitutes bile.

Soy Beans
It contains lecithin which in the process of neutralizing fats in the liver parenchyma; in turn reduces cholesterol level. It also helps in maintaining normal morphology of liver cells.

Carrots
It contains Beta-carotene which is a potent antioxidant.
Prunes, raisins, pears, guava, tomatoes, raspberries, blueberries, artichokes, parsley and squash are foods good for the liver. One must try to keep away from any kind of fried foods and convenient foods. Foods that contain high amount of fiber like whole grain bread, brown rice, cereals and legumes are good for the liver.
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I am so glad that I didn't have my gall bladder taken out. Aside from being nervous of the surgeon (he backed out just as I was going under - and then a week later told me he was good to go) ... I discovered that it wasn't my gallbladder giving me this tremendous pain - it was my gunt being squished by my industrial strength jeans. Since I have been home, wearing nothing but pj's or sweats ... no pain. go figure. Gallstones can stay there! I start major meds in June to try and fix the damned liver so I will be sick for about a year - I need all of the parts I can hold onto! I really need to get health before then.

Gock

I smiled at him and said "Got Gock?"

LMAO
So Chef and I were lounging around watching tv and discussing my mass consuption of muffins.
We are going to do a good shopping when he is off on Monday ... well, in between the hours of his teaching job.
I am mega concerned about at least fitting into my fat jeans before the snow melts.
Thanks for the offer to help with the food list Faye! Hot Yoga? Wow you have drive girlfriend! I really do have to change my excercise habits from watching weight loss reality shows to actually being a weight loss reality. I didn't get fitter watching the 20 minute workout either - go figure.

I have to sit on my ample butt all day today to catch up on a ton of keyboarding. I start my next course on Monday (oh shit, that is tomorrow!) and I haven't really touched much. How come an ample butt does not give me padding??? Doesn't seem fair that it spreads out the side of my chair :(

The dog is going crazy upstairs - off to play with her for a bit. Poor thing. I can't take her for a walk because we negelected her nails when mil was here and they are painfully long. She gets a mani-pedi on Tuesday and then we are going to pound the pavement again.

So for now, my exercise consists of going up and down the stairs about 10 times a day ... I clench my cheeks and tell myself that I am excercising :)

Yikes it's Saturday already

... and nope, haven't started my diet.

Chef came home from work and asked me for my shopping list, but I had forgotten all about it. I just told him to pick up veggies and some fruit ... whatever he wanted until I could get my noodle together. Noodle - haha - food analogies

What did I eat yesterday?

hmmm

coffee of course

hmmm

oh ya, I found a box of mac & cheese at the back of the pantry - gag me - but I ate it anyway ... without milk or butter. I used olive oil and sour cream - lol - GAG!

I also found a bag of powdered milk but gave that about 2 seconds thought. It is now shoved further back in the pantry.

There was a pork roast thawing in the fridge so I threw that into the oven & put the timer on for an hour. Not sure what I expected to find after an hour, but that seemed safe. Well, I took the lid off and it looked pretty anaemic, so timed it for another 45 minutes to char the sucker and crossed my fingers.

Spied a couple of sweet potatoes and thought we could eat that if chef cooked them.

So Chef comes home with

beer

bran muffins – bread – flat bread - mixed fruit plate – bananas – grapes - milk – block of cheese – fixin’s for fajitas – peppercorns - box of diet cola, and a jug of water.

no vegetables

So I wound up eating 4 muffins and then a pork sandwich for a midnight snack.

I don’t like pork.

... unless it is bacon (which I just sniff cuz I can’t chew it anymore whaaaaaaaaaaa)

In summary, yesterday's haul

- coffee, black x 4

- crap dinner x I wish I hadn’t

- muffins x 4 (liar! it was 5 ... with butter)

- pork sandwich

Today I am restless and it is really crappy outside.

Someone rang my doorbell (no one ever comes here!) – I didn’t answer it cuz my teeth were in the other room so I let the dog scream at them until they went away.

I tried finishing Chef’s work, but I stare at the computer and blank out. I think I am down a quart of cookies or something ... just can’t get my poop in a group.

I found some pictures of fat people on the net. Poor Kirsty. lol

Speaking of poop. Damned muffins from yesterday did nothing for me!! I can just feel every molecule of fat and sugar gluing to my insides ... instead of making life easier for me ... so to speak.

So Chef called and I told him I am in a rut ... he suggested I just kick back with a good book and a beer.

Oh good. Now I don’t feel guilty about laying about with my book and the 2 beers I already had.

so tally for today – so far

coffee with milk x 1 1/2 (too lazy to make a fresh pot)

TWO pork sandwiches

banana

2 1/2 beer = feel sleepy

It’s 5 now and Chef is home at 6:30 ... so I figure I can read until 5:30 and then get into a mad sweat and do housework for an hour.

and then figure out what to eat.

I hope that book comes soon :)

I wish I could blame this on my mother!

Still not official

So, Chef was up at 4am; after work, went his his Ma's to take her to physio appt., and then to the hospital for xrays - he was exhausted when he got home ... with a Sub for me.
So today I had
4 cups of coffee,black
1 chicken breast sandwich with mayo, no butter
... and the sub

He asked me what to pick up at the grocery store, so tomorrow I will make him "the" list. He is going to teach me how to use the kitchen machines.

So here I go ...

It has to start sometime - my ideal, skinny, weight is about 160 - I level out at 165. My 'I am still comfortable weight' is up to 170; after that I climb into my 'chatise myself weight' up to about 180 - and then all hell breaks loose. I know I have tipped 200 ... shit.

It looks like 'sometime' will have to wait until at least tomorrow. Chef has to do some grocery shopping (fridge is so bare, even a pot head couldn't make a sandwich out of the leavin's in there). He has to start the early shift tomorrow (gets up at 4am), so no shopping tonight. I am pretty sure he will visit his mother after work tomorrow, so I won't see grub until after 6pm I think.

So what's a fat girl to do? We are out of milk, butter, and cheese, so no good stuff to munch.
I have eggs - maybe I'll try my first "egg white" omlette.
LOL
As soon as I typed that, my thought bubble popped "You don't have butter = no toast; you have no cheese = p-l-a-i-n omlette = ugh
Aha! there is sour cream in there!! I mean I can't really start losing weight until I get food, right? :)

According to this weight chart, at 5'9" I am obese - I think I am anyway (I know I can't see past the gunt - lol). I don't own a scale yet. I think I weigh about 205 pounds - at least I did last medical visit a few weeks ago - prior to the 5 boxes of 'fat free' (lol) cookies and a couple of cherry pies

this chart kind of sucks - who could be "healthy" at 5'9" and 125 pounds?

Even in my early 20's - my prime time - my skinny weight was 145.

I want to drag my sister along on this ride - competition with my body type double :)

Faye has seen me balloon big time. I think the last time we sat around each other's kitchen table I was at my largest. It was head to toe blobbby. That was all beer and cheap food. I can't remember being able to afford beer back then, but I was h-u-g-e! It must have been beer.

I don't drink now - as soon as I stopped my weekly 8-pack about 5 years ago, I dropped about 15 pounds easy. Easier to get back :). I stopped eating  candy, ice cream, sugared pops - yay lost another 10.

hmm put back on 30.

The dreaded dentures ... that put me at my skinniest in forever. I loathed eating so much, I would stop as soon as I knew I could manage on what I forced down (mostly soup) and I stopped cleaning my plate. I went down below 160 and started making my husband nervous. Everyone was at me with "you don't eat enough". I was so proud :). I could use the loo without unzipping my jeans! The suckers just slid off. I was wearing size 10.

LMAO. 

I started eating candy at work.

One day I realized that my favourite pair of skinny jeans were now contouring odd shaped ripples. Poop. On to my comfortable jeans. And on and on and on until I had to go and buy a pair that fit. size 16

shit

My set-scene image is of pounding my head against a wall mumbling 'stupid-stupid-stupid'.

shit

Here I am menopausal and I took advantage of my state and gobbled through my last good weight ...

this time I didn't gain weight in the face (or maybe I do and have more neck wrinkles than I think - time will tell) - my arse is flat and huge and my thighs an odd shape indeed ... well most to the weight now sits in the GUNT

shit

I absolutely refuse to buy a size larger (even if it takes 2 of us to zip up my industrial strength jeans). So, I don't go out much. It is kind of embarassing when the bus driver lowers the hydraulic steps just so I can side-mount a leg. I don't know what to toss yet - my rooms are full of sizes 10, 12, 14, 16 ... so far I have been realistic and tossed the size 10 fantasy clothes. I have one ridiculous pair of size 18 stretchy cords that I bought at Frenchies (aka VV Boutique for you Faye) for 2 bucks. I have to walk the dog  and the size 16's don't allow for anything past a sausage-casing-shuffle. I wore these when painting the house so I don't relent and wear them where I could be seen - lol - they have paint all over them, and that I couldn't 'do' in public. I still have some pride.

sheesh.

I want to be a 12/14 - stable weight at 165-170, and I think I will go for healthy this time as well.

so here I go .................. again.

THIS TIME blah blah blah blah blah ... have to get there first.

is there no spell checker in here?

Should be working ...

But I am learning how to blog with Faye
... better than eating icing sugar sandwiches

Fayes' on the phone

... and she has cooked and eaten fancy dancy mushroom caps while I try to figure out how to tell the world about how I am going to upchuck the 3 skinny people I seem to have eaten in this past year
On her way with good food!
I, on the other hand, ate mystery chicken noodle caserole leftovers from the hospital - not so bad, but I burnt the tastebuds off of my tongue and won't be tasting anything for a while - lol - good time to start a diet